Friday, March 31, 2006

Ferdinand and the talking cat video.

"Wha, what, what time is it?"
"Of course."
"Do you know what time it is?"
"Of course! I just told you. ."
"Is there a fire?."
"If you, Dolly, have woken me just to tell me something about Lilly retching I shall be so cross.."
"I've been on the computer."
"MY comput..."
"And you know you think you are clever cos you can write, well type..."
"This is just tooo early," I pulled my PINK blanket up over my head, you never know, Dolly the cat with the stripes might just bugger off!
"These cats, I've seen them, they can talk..."
"Oh, groan."
"English humans can understand ."
"Dolly, oh striped one, if this is another Darcy Bussell episode I shall get soooo cross..."
"Blimey... thats amazing."
"Told you."
"I know."
"Could it go in your Ferdi review?"
"Oh definitely ."
The Ferdi review: the talking cat video.
"Dolly how do you know about my review?"
"Ferdinand; Ferdinand do you know what time it is?" Susan -female human of the household.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Ferdinand, Fred the bedhead and Charley.

A dull, dank, dingy day. This is an interminable winter. The only good thing is it's not blowing a Siberian blast. Lilly is asleep, Dolly is asleep. I'm in my box. I think the female member of the household knows this is my favourite box and I have received compliments about the beauty of this box (well one comment) but that particular commentator has very good taste so it counts. Whereas; if they bore the burden of appalling naff taste there opinion would be of little value and could therefore be discounted! HOWEVER; it's time for a change, not that I'm superficial or fickle, I would still have this design of box (if they-the humans of the household- could be so fortunate in finding another, which I seriously doubt) this box has lost its fragrance and has become stale, like old bread. So, I'm in my glass ceiling abode on a dull, dank, dingy, dismal day on a PINK blanket surrounded by moulding loaves. I could get a yeast infection.

So just to cheer myself on this dull, dank, dingy, dismal, depressing day. I will remind myself of just a couple of my achievements:

Ginger cats are at last being granted the recognition they so rightly deserve. Can it be just coincidence that only after I, Ferdinand (the very famous ginger cat) started my online diary -with of course its Ferdi Review page; that after thirty three years Charley the ginger cat has been voted the nations favourite? Plus can it be accidental only after my ginger cat blog went online that Whiskas the food company who cook the food which nine out of ten cats prefer (I must say I am rather partial to the chicken and tuna flavour) have hired the superb and handsome actor, Fred the bedhead, ginger cat? The answer to both questions: I think not.

Charley the Cat tops film poll A SCRUFFY ginger cat that warned millions of children about the dangers of strangers and matches has been voted the nation’s favourite public information film.

Six short films featuring Charley, a moggy with the voice of the late comedian Kenny Everett, have been screened since 1973. Now thousands of nostalgic viewers have voted the series their favourite public information film from the past 60 years.

And here is the link to the famous actor Fred the bedhead.

Well I'll be! Those self-help books are possibly right (Be positive.List all your accomplishments.) The sun has just popped out. I'm feeling better already...

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Dance of the sugar plum fairy

I've just woken. Nice bright morning.

I've been working on a new web page It's called The Ferdi review which I am determined to keep secret from Dolly who is very generous with unsolicited advice -what links to have and the true meaning of a well designed web site. Which is not the point! This site is about stuff I like; which by definition of course means it will be governed by immaculate good taste, incredibly good judgement, natural flair, plus ability, need I go on? Well naturally, intelligence, rigour and wit cannot be omitted; my outstanding good looks are not necessary for this particular page so I won't mention my shiny coat -a delightful shade of ginger, my handsome white whiskas, my emerald ey...

Just had to stop writing Dolly is on the prowl, now where was I... This meant I have been tinkering around with my web pages again, But i'm quite pleased with how it looks (for the moment.) I find I always have a honeymoon period with stuff i've created -lasts about six weeks, but I must learn not to be too self critical!

"Hello Ferdi," Dolly mewed
"Hi Doll."
"What you doing?"
"Playing spider, "I quickly flicked the minimise button on my word document and picked up where I left off on the forever open game.
"Can I be of assistance?"
"Just wanted to tell you about Lil."
"Tell me what about Lilly? If shes puked again that is definitely not news."
"No, shes moved off the back of the sofa."
"Blimey better call Kate Adie."
"You know we were watching Darcy Bussell..."
"Lovely creature so graceful, so poised, so very feline."
"With Richard Madeley on Richard and Judy..."
"Lil has been practising her Arabesque."
"I kid you not. Well you know she did it yesterday immediately after Miss Bussell had finished her routine -leg stuck up at a 120-degree angle
her paw pointed. We all thought it was a stretch,"
"Well we thought it was something, just difficult to make out what."
"She's doing it again now but with music."
"She's humming, she's humming dance of the sugar plum fairy."
"This I have to see..."

NN Bb VV H bbb nnnnnnjhbcvg mm !!!!! ! dddx c c
Bb v b vvvv : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!?? ??.....
G hnvlkdfj mvnj nvjf nhfuryfhb n bv.Yo th .
Sg vv cnbbn mm,,,,

"Dolly you've been on my computer!"

I wonder whether she knows about my Ferdi Review, could she have read it in the time I was gone? Lilly was just parked on the sofa with her head on the radiator just as she was when I last saw her. No, I cant believe Dolly could be that manipulative, could she? No. Well... Ummh!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Big wheels keep on turnin'

I strolled into a catholic church today. In the vestibule under a pieta, dirty blankets shrouded the body of an unwanted soul. In the pew furthest from the alter a cigarette butt lay discarded on the flag-stone floor. And these two uncommissioned artworks spoke eloquently of the centuries old tradition of sanctuary and solace for societies outcasts. Later a good Christian came and swept the impromptu installations away.

I am trying to get home. I am under a privet hedge. I am not a brave crosser of roads. So I wait. And I wait. I'm still waiting and its beginning to drizzle. I'm waiting for the big black rubber wheels to stop rolling.

Much as my ginger body did today, so my mind is wandering now. A building had been lit up in celebration of St Patrick.
Very original!
Very creative!!
Very out of the box!!!

Which is where I long to be right now. I have the same box, my very favourite; the box with yellow bananas printed on the side. But a different blanket -brown.
I suppose I'll have to let Dolly finish her story...!

Still the wheels roll.

I'm going to call Big lil Lilly Schrodinger after the scientist who couldn't work out whether his cat was alive or dead, well if a scientist can't decide and he wasn't even working with Lil how are we supposed to know?

A break! I make a dash and arrive safetly across the river of rubber just in time; the big wheels start rolling again.

Sanctuary. I'm in my box on my blanket under my glass ceiling.

Big wheels keep on turnin' proud Mary keeps on burnin' rollin', rollin, do do da da do do .

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

A very important invention.

I was happily penning my thoughts when the fragrance of boiled haddock assailed my nostrils; Dolly was breathing down my neck.

"Shall we do some more writing?"
"Dolly, I've told you before, there is no we, this is my diary as in blog as in private as in keep your nose out and your paws off."
"I need to finish the story I started, you remember, the one where I came to your aid and took the wrap or more accurately the bucket of water, you know when you were being electrocuted."
"I was not being electrocuted. Electra is just so electrifying, she...
"Lights up your life!"
"Anyway the electric shock you received has obviously given you short term memory loss, 'cos you promised."
"I am a cat of honour, character and honesty as well as charisma, charm obvious good looks and intellige.."
"Well Mr Purrfect lets get to it then." Dolly said as she interrupted my train of pertinent thoughts."

Now this little snippet is old news and the invention obviously didn't take off but right at this moment it seems like the best idea the human mind could conceive.

Clelland compared Frederick's innovation to the ideas of Author Paul Pedrick. A former patent officer himself, Pedrick bombarded his former employers with legendarily screwball designs in the 60s and 70s - one of which was a cat flap fitted with a colour sensor to allow his cat Ginger through, to the exclusion of his neighbour's black moggie.

I wonder if they're still available.. it excludes certain cats, certain cats with stripes and boiled haddocky breathe? maybe I could get one on Ebay?

An overheard conversation. Susan -female human of the household-

"I can't believe the amount of cats fur on this keyboard!"

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Keep your paws off my keyboard

For clarity I am writing in one colour and Dolly who has insisted on inclusion in this particular blog another (brown).

This is not the best idea but I owe her a favour, well not owe 'cos then it wouldn't be a favour, am returning a favour (much better.) Anyway this is how it happened.........

I am thinking of, dreaming of Electra.I am plotting my route and planning my suite. I am in my box minding my very own day-dream when in walks Dolly without a here I am, how are you? Do you mind?
"Bet I know what you're thinking about or should I say who."
"Whom, actually."
"you are so foul tempered."
"I am not foul, tempered or otherwise."
"Just plain miserable."
"I am not."
"In a bad mood."
"I am NOT in a bad mood."
"No need to shout."
We finished glaring at one another after five minutes and Dolly said,
"You're an addict; you're showing all the signs, mood swings, lethargy, or in your case hanging around in boxes. Addicted to love; you need your fix, and the fix is Electra, so what's stopping you?"
" The answer to that if it is any of your business, is threefold: I can get squished by big black rubber wheels; get gnashed by Rex the mad alsation and his cohort, the very bonkers corgi, Chunky; or come face to knee with Mrs Higginbottom."
"It'll be the rubber wheels then."
"Thank you for advice, and now....."
" Faint heart never won fair lady. We'll go via the female human's back garden," Dolly interrupted.
"We? this is supposed to be a romantic assignation. Oh Electra please, amour, amour, and please meet Dolly my house mate and lets not stop there; here's big Lil, oh no she's not dead you can hear her snoring it does help drown out the traffic noise and the barking from the canine lunatic fringe."
"Be serious."
"I thought I was."
" Give yourself a spit and polish and then we're off, I'll be back in ten minutes'
I now give this blog over to Miss perfect paws...

*&6@~ 88^4@# 0*86* 8&>~## # !
That it then?
"No, **++*- /+8+/ ##*- 98+6+* !!! I haven't even begun yet! I'm fuming."
"Letting off steam." (Her soaking behind jammed against the radiator.)
"That is not funny."

"W e w n t"
"Take your paw off the space bar."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkklltothexxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xx
xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xthr
"It's on the x key now. You dictate and I'll type."
"Only if you put exactly what I say as if I were writing it."
"Well if you were writing it gggggggggggggggggg n nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn."
"Hilarious! Shall we begin?"
"What are you doing?"
"Rounding off with this little snippet."

This ginger news shows the desperate attempts ginger cats will take to become educated, mind you he should keep a lower profile.

Students on alert for ginger tom

From the archive, first published Monday 5th Dec 2005.

SIXTH formers are on the run from an unwelcome student who is causing havoc at Peter Symonds College in Winchester.
Staff are now trying to get rid of the pet, which they believe lives nearby, as it is causing a nuisance. A notice on the student website, reads: "Please do not either encourage or abuse this ginger cat which is now becoming a nuisance around the campus.

"If you see it, please clap hands or shout to show that it is not welcome. Do not let it inside any building, do not feed it, and do not pick it up."

What makes matters worse is that the visitor -- a ginger tom cat -- is one of the best attendees at the Owens Road college site this year. Bursar, David Warren, said:
"Its attendance is good but its a student we can't claim funds for so it is a nuisance.

I haven't finished."
"We'll finish it off another day."
"You said I could write in your blog."
"You are."
"I haven't told the story yet."
"You will."
" I'll do it then."

We hjm
Paw on space bar!
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb I bbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbb
"On the b!"
bb b
"Still on the b!"

"Space bar."

cccccccccccccccccccccccc cccccccccccccccccccccccc cccccccccccc ccccccccc
ccccccccccccccccccccc ccccccccccccccccccccccccc ccccccc

Thursday, March 02, 2006

If it can't be proven can it be true?

On Monday I was rained on. Tuesday snowed on, Wednesday hailed upon, I'm becoming loathe to go outside. February is over ( thank god.) I have things to do. I missed February 14th; the day when all cowardly romantics can declare undying love. But I, having been attacked by marauding Rolands was laid low. But I have my solemn duty to perform ( well actually it's not that solemn, not solemn at all, in truth I bloody well enjoy it: I have the species to perpetuate. New ginger beings to make. And Electra, Electra with the blue eyes and the dark grey body... Mind you she does live bloomin' half a mile away so it would make life a little easier if the weather would just stop doing weathery things. But Electra is de-vine. I can admit I am in love. Ok so I am in love a lot, I put my paws up and own up, but Electra she is just so Electrifying..

We are all in trouble from the humans of the household Lil (well not all, Miss perfect pads -Dolly- hasn't put a paw wrong) Anyway Big Lil has thrown up on the silk Persian rug and, well I have been caught napping as this photo shows. Well it was cold, the conservatory door was open, the humans were absent, and the sofa... Well just too tempting. They're not back yet, but I certainly am not cleaning Lil's vomit. And as for the ginger hairs on the sofa Lil' has auburn patches on her coat so if it can't be proven can it be true? Yes I say; truth and proof are separate. I will own up to the ginger fur on the settee- after all, I'm honourable (besides the fact when the truth be told light shines and the sky doesn't fall in! - I hope.) Plus Lil is allowed in the living room and it wasn't me that left the conservatory door open (it was Martin -so he only has himself to blame?) And is my red fur different from Lil's ginger fur, is my fur more difficult to remove? When you prick me do I not bleed? ) Sorry, getting a bit carried away. Nerves. Guilt.

The key is turning in the lock. Time to go. I'm back in my box - blue -I like blue - with a picture of bananas on the side in yellow -wonderful, and I have a blue wool blanket. I am in the conservatory"resting" in my box...
" Err Lil!!" The female human voice exclaims..
I rise from my banana box and with fortitude, (plus furious rubbing of human legs) confess:
"it was me who left the hairs on the sofa."
But strangely Susan ( female human) puts out her hand and caresses my ears
"you are such a good boy," she says.
Oh Electra! If only you will whisper those words. I don't care It may be blowing a force 8 but spring has sprung.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Stamping on a lion

I've made a bit of a hash of my template tiddling. I have lost the date marker which is a bit of a problem. So now I have diary entries with no date. Is it still a dairy? Then I scrubbed the whole thing and had a template "off the peg" and blow me the date marker was still missing! Then I thought I know I'll just go back to the beginning when everything worked, but alas the date marker is still missing, which is a bit off a nuisance because I really wanted to write about Richard and Judy again.

Richard Madeley is becoming obsessed with ginger cats (quite rightly- but the second time within a week when his Freudian slips have disclosed his deep desire may I say love for me; Ferdi) ginger is not just a colour but a state of mind! Anyway he ran an article on his show about a rather handsome ginger hued feline that was baby sitting a lion cub. This apparently was not the first time that this particular auburn cat has nurtured an orphaned Leo . Watching the show I must say it was difficult to distinguish between the two. I myself, have often been mistaken for the tiger. I wonder just before I publish, will this blog be date stamped?