Saturday, July 29, 2006

Mr Blair's hair

I forgot to mention this in all the chaos that was whirling round in this house earlier -big Lil is now thankfully asleep.

I don't meant to be catty but what on earth is happening to our PM's head. In Washington alongside Mr President at the photo call he was looking distinctly ginger- and not a nice shade of red streaked through with apricot highlights - I appreciate not every being can be as blessed as me- but that dead mahogany shade that human males of a certain age adopt. Ok so he's masked his sideburns from the drippings of that particular 'one colour suits all' bottle but he now looks like he's wearing a toupee!

Cat extradited to USA for declawing!

"Oh no. OOOOH oh no."
"Doll, what have you done to Lil?"
"Are you sure?"
"What's up?"
"What's up?"
"They are going to cut my feet off."
"What? Who?"
"Dolly do you have any idea what Lil is crying about?"
"Well Yes, sort of."
"Well, I was on the internet and I didn't know Lil was there, being as she normally sleeps on the back of the sofa 23 hours a day."
"And?" I have the feeling this is going to be a big and.
"Well; I was reading this blog about this human female in America who lived with a tabby cat."
"That is obviously not it."
"Anyway; the female human was kept up all night because of this tabbies cries coming from the cellar. The female human felt guilt because she'd taken her to the vet to have her womb and feet removed."
"This cat had her feet removed."
"And this is what you told Lil."
"It's the truth. I read it."
"Well it's not quite the truth."
"You going get all subjective now?"
"It's not all the feet it's the front joint on each toe, and besides we are not in America."
"Ferd, why do they cut your feet - toes - off in America? "
"To prevent the furniture being clawed, I think"
"I'll tell Lil then, mind you her feet are so big..."
"And she scratches the furniture."
"I'll tell her then."

No we're not in America: but we could be...!

I wonder if we felines would be shipped over to the states alongside our English humans. England could then be used as an American base without having to listen to we Brits whinging about it 'cos we'd all be over there complaining about the weather. Yep, all and everyone of us Brits because of a treaty signed by Mr Blunkett can be shipped over stateside without a bye or leave.

The case has highlighted concerns over an extradition treaty sealed by former Home Secretary David Blunkett in the wake of the September 11 2001 attacks in the USA.

The treaty - originally presented as a tool in the fight against terrorism - allows British citizens to be extradited to the US without American courts having to provide there is a case for them to answer. But the failure so far of the US Senate to ratify it means that no such arrangements exist in relation to US citizens wanted in UK courts.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Susan says, why not just say it as it is?

Susan says, why not just say it as it is?

Apparently anyway, Susan doesn't cook! Has no sense of humour- and sacrificed him for her art.

Susan thought accepting he go to Switzerland was a nice thing. Take her arty stuff, but get a brake from the dole queue, signings.

She should have gone herself...

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Far too hot for a cloak!

"Hello Ferdi."
"Hi LIl."
"What you readin?"
"James Baldwin."
"James Baldwin."
"James Baldwin."
"Oh, Is it good?
"It's a fable about pursuasion over force.."
"It's a fable."
"On the table?"
"Fable, Lil. Fable."
"What happens?"
"A man who takes his cloak off."
"Yes Lil?"
"What's it about?"
"A man wearing a cloak."
"A man."
"Oh! What happens?"
"He takes off his cloak."
"He removes his cloak."
"Cos he's hot."
"He's hot."
"What not?"
"Not what not, hot."
"Hot not!"
"He's too hot in his cloak."
"Well he would be; day like this, fancy wearing a cloak on a day like this," Lil said, and said. "Far too hot to wear a cloak!" and then said, "I'm hot and I'm not wearing a cloak.. before stepping out to gulp some green water from the bird bath. On her return she said, "don't know why you do all that reading, I could have told you that: it's too hot for a cloak."

"Would you like too read it?"
"Read it?"
"No not now I know what it's about..."

The wind and the Sun once had a dispute as to which was the stronger of the two.
"Do you see that traveler plodding along the road?" said the Wind. "Let us both try our strength on him, and let the one who can first strip him of his cloak be the winner."
"Agreed," said the Sun.

The Wind began first. He blew a blast which sent the leaves flying through air; he raised clouds of dust in the road, bent the tops of the trees to the ground, and even tore up one sturdy oak by the roots. But the colder it grew and the more it stormed, the tighter the traveler held his cloak around him.

Then the Sun began. He burst out from behind a black cloud, and, little by little, darted his sultry beams upon the traveler's head and back. The man did not notice this much at first, but soon the heat was so great that he stopped to wipe the sweat from his face.

"Ah!" he said, " I cannot stand this. It is so hot that one might as well be in an oven!" Then he threw off his cloak, and carried it under his arm; and when he came to a tree by the roadside he sat down under its shade to cool himself.

After that, the Wind never claimed to be stronger than the Sun...

Saturday, July 22, 2006

The heat Ferdinand is making you curmudgeonly.!

Israel is on the move. It is moving tonight inside Lebanon even though it has said the build up of troops on it's northern border were not for an invasion force... but that was before they walked over the border and captured a village -so they weren't lying then -just must learn to read more thoroughly between the front lines...

"The heat Ferdinand is making you curmudgeonly.!"

I'm sitting in a pink puff prawn cocktail toxic cloud and assailed by a voice -the sound of nails on a blackboard -Dolly is at my shoulder and on my back.

"Or should I say more curmudgeonly than your normal curmudgeonly self."

What dross that stripy wonder cat mews -I was going to say sometimes -but why qualify it.

I have managed to keep coolish. Laying on the tiles in the conservatory works well until the sun comes round and turns the glasshouse into a storage radiator. I had found shade under the cherry tree. I'd formed a tidy hollow in the dry earth and I was just nodding off when I was invaded by an angry army of red ants. Took me all day to remove the bad tempered blighters from my furry body. Anyway the next best place is on the garden table under the sun umbrella- the only draw back this is Dolly's patch and apart from the distinct aroma of old cod heads I do have to listen to her Daily Bile utterances of what the sensible should say to earn the crust of cooldom.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Ferdinand, GB plc and the chaos theory.

The chaos of the middle east continues...

Iran (axis of evil-and wearing a black hat) must be to blame because the rockets launched from the backs of lorries hail from that country and y..
"Ferd? "
"I'm busy."
"But Ferd."
"Arms are GB plc's greatest export!"
"I know."
"But if we believe the manufacturer of arms is responsible, we could be up to our whiskers in shrapnel, you're just asking to be bombed!"
"Not a bad idea (the being held responsible not the whiskers and bomb bit-) But no, I'm pointing out the obvious."
"But Ferd this is just too serious."
"Dolly everything has many sides. We have history.. We have our talents.. Our character.. Our beliefs our humo..."
"Ok Ferd, I get the point. But you are supposed to be writing your autobiography."
"Yes, and I have written three pages, but as I write this it becomes my history, so I've only got to get from there to here and this bit will be already written. "
"Ferd you're a genius!"
"I know, but it's nice of you to say so."
"Yes ?"
"Where do the Israelis get their arms?"
"So if Iran is to blame.."
"Yes Doll?"
"That's all."

Friday, July 14, 2006

Let the fur fly

I don't (always) understand humans; loathe, as I am to admit it. And I am, of course a great understander of the human condition. But, the news arrives in shrapnel bursts from the speakers and assaults my eardrums. And I question: if the Jews above all people can't learn what hope then for the rest of humanity?...! The Israelies posture that they have the right to defend themselves. Of course, every spirit has and must, no one could or would argue against such a tenant, but I can argue with the methodology. I can and should defend myself against being squished by big rubber wheels; should I therefore blast off the road every car, lorry, and motorbike that traverses my course?

History if forgotten has a danger of repeating itself. I would have hoped the Jews would have understood that lesson, and have been if not generous then magnanimous in their responses, but it seems humans regardless of their race, creed, sex and experience serve their own needs regardless of the consequences. A despairing position.

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.