Saturday, December 23, 2006

Ferdinand: I hate Mickey mouse!

"It'll be just the mince pie and the glass of port for Santa then?"
"Mickey doesn't believe in Santa's cause?"

Ferdinand: I hate Mickey mouse!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Ferdinand's Christmas eve, eve, eve

It's Christmas eve, eve, eve! AND, here is my hand signed, Christmas card from Richard Madeley -with love and kisses- does life get much better?

I must remember to leave out the glass of port and mince pie, but as a very very special treat a Mickey will also be left for Santa. I'm sorry but the gloves are off and the claws are out - all in a good cause of course! The Santa cause.

Ferdinand: supreme hunter.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Ferdinand's Silent night!

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh,
O Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way.......

"Lilly It's two in the morning!"
"Sorry Ferd."

Good King Wenceslas looked out, On the Feast of Stephen,
When the snow lay round about,
Deep and crisp and even;
Brightly shone the moon that night,
though the frost was cruuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel.

"Lil It's three in the morning, please!"
"Ferd, sorry."
"Ok Lil, just need to get some sleep."

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear
voices singing, "Let's be jolly!
Deck the halls with boughs of holleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Dolly, Holly. LILLY. It's half an hour after the last song, ONLY 30 minutes."
"Ferd I forgot, sorry."

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,
"Yes Lil i'm listening."
in the lane, snow is glistening
"I don't care what the weather forecast is."
A beautiful sight,
"Not if I don't get my beauty sleep!"
we're happy tonight,
"Happy? happy!"
walking in a winter wonderland.
"It's a nightmare."

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to knowoooooooooohoooooooooooooh
Where the treetops glisten
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snooooooooooowoooooo.

"It's four, Lil! Four in the morning."
It's four in the morning, the end of Decembeeeeeeeer
I'm writing you now just to see if you're betteeeeeeer
New york is cold, but I like where I'm liviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
"Lil, STOP."
"Leonard Cohen. You asked me to sing it."
"Night Lil."
"Night Ferd."

So here it is merry Christmas
Everybody's having fuuuuun
Look to the future now
It's only just beguuuuuuuuuun

"I want a Silent night!"

Silent night! Holy night!
All is calm, all is bright
round yon virgin mother and child,
Holy infant so tender and mild,
sleep in Heavenly peeeeeeeeeace!
sleep in Heavenly peeeeeeeeeeeace!

Ferdinand: add to Christmas shopping list: EARPLUGS

Monday, December 18, 2006

Ferdinand's stockings

"How come your stocking is bigger than ours?"
"Because my name has more letters in it."

Ferdinand diplomat: or how not to put your foot in it!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Ferdinand's premiere night

ferdinand's fantastic flea circus click on image

"I would like all my chums to accept complimentary tickets for... Lil, say it Lil."
"Your line?"
"Your line Lil" Your Line."

"I don't know why I can't read the line?"
"Because Lil's voice carries, that's why."
"Lil your line! Your Line"
"No need to shout."

"And so, without further ado, may I present to you the premiere of, the fantastic, the fantabulous, Ferdinand's Fantastic Flea Circus."

"I could have done that."
"You have a voice like a hamster."
"How'd I do!"
"Great Lil."
"You were ok, loud anyway."

"Oi you lot at the back shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
"Lil Shhhhh."

"Oi! You Lot! shhhhut up"
"Lil be quiet."
"What, what?"
" Who are you shhhhhhhhhhhhhhing?"
"Lilly be quiet."
"Don't tell me to be quiet, Ferdinand tell Dolly to stop telling me to sshhhh."
"Dolly stop telling Lil to shhhh."

"Oh you want her to talk all the way through the movie?"
"No, but..."
"Lilly be quiet."

" Right you lot I've asked you nicely and I've told you -not so nicely- and now I'm telling you to leave."


Ferdinand's first night."

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Christmas greetings from Ferdinand and friends

We're not sending Christmas cards this year! It's either 'cos we're mean wotsits or we're sending the money we would have spent here: see!

We' d like you to use our card too,
a Christmas card from us to you.
Dont get your tongue stuck up with glue
It's free and all that you have to do...
Is send fifty pence or a dollar here

"Doesn't rhyme!"
"I know!"

... Is send .50p or a dollar, thank you!

"How's that?"
"I've a line."
From Me, Ferd, Lilly, Martin and Sue.
"Doesn't scan."
From us and Martin and Sue!
From me and you and Lilly too.
"What about the humans of the household?"
Plus Martin and sue

Ferdinand not Scrooge!


Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Ferdinand ball juggling

Ferdinand is in his box. I can hear him but I can't understand a word he's mumbling about. He's got that green bucket on his head. But I know he's been out of the bucket because he's been writing... And I paid my 50p to keep him in there! I just don’t believe a word he says, he's a confabulaytir! Just check the spelling on that confabulator. That's better. Ferdinand reckons he doesn't use spell checker...!

This is what he's written.

Mmmm a very famous flea circus director is impressed with my three ball juggling flea -perhaps he will hire her, I think it's Flora but it could be Fifi.
Maybe he'll hire the whole circus, we could be on television, the silver screen, Hollywood...

I'm a bit worried though; he reckons they have sugar in their diet- they are a bit hyper but it's me that feeds them. So there is only one conclusion to be drawn, I have Diabetes. I will go blind my hair will fall out and my balls will drop off.

I avoid vets, one look at me they forget any ailments I'm suffering - leg hanging off, ear shredded, tail broken in half- it's... "Oh look a fully intact ginger tom cat, soon sort that little problem. Nuts away...!"
"Little indeed!"

One Eyed Jack
The Meezers

Who have excellent taste and appreciate concept art and it's best.

Now this rambling of Ferdinand's is incomplete. So he's either worried about his health- he's a terrible hypochondriac- last week he thought he had malaria the week before bubonic plaque (they are all insect bitten diseases so I think his subconscious is trying to tell him something -like: get rid of the little blood suckers.
Or it's dawned on him he's not the forward thrusting ideas Smith he thought he was 'cos only two chums think the photograph idea a good one. I did tell him it was stupid but no he has to publish.

But none of this explains the flashing lights coming from his box...

Signed Dolly, editor.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Ferdinand's big idea! The photograph challenge

ferdinand's head
"What you doing Ferd?"
"I have an idea..."
"Well you better get writing that is newsworthy."
".... so I'm taking photos."
"Let me see."
" You can do this too."
"It is a record of we felines, a document and archive. It is the world as we see it. Not of us in sinks and wearing silly hats."
"I've taken my photo and now you take yours."
"Ok, a picture of what I see now?"

"Lil won't be able to do it."
"She would."
" You'd only have a picture of the back of the sofa."
"That, oh striped, one is the point."

"Is there just a hint of sarcasm in your tone."
"But anyway what if all my chums around the world took a snap at the same time on the same day?"
"It wouldn't work."
"Why, oh striped one?"
"Because half the world will be asleep!"
"Local time, at 5pm for example wherever you are and whatever you are doing you snap a snap. Just got to choose the day."

susan's feet
"How come you get a picture of yourself on your journal?"
"'Cos that is what you were looking at, me!"
"But that is only 'cos you said take the photo and I was looking at you."
"Well it is whatever you are looking at."
"See here's the snap I took."
"Yep I was on Susan's (female human of the house-hold) lap and this is what I was seeing."
"I don't think this is very exciting, feet and a great big ginger head."
"No the feet aren't interesting, but the head very very photogenic -you do take a very good picture- but anyway the photo is a record of what I was looking at so I'll know that at 5 o'clock I was having my ears rubbed while sitting on Susan's lap. A historic document cats year and years from now will..."

Ferdinand archivist

Monday, December 04, 2006

Ferdinand, Fanny, Faye, Fiona, Fifi, Flora and Frederick

fleas in a jar

"Oh Ferdinand."
"Ferdinand we're hungry. Ferdinand we have been sitting in this jar for days without a drop to eat or drink."
"We are sooooo very very peckish."
"Ferdi you look very handsome."
"Very full-bodied."
"A red blooded male no less."
"A real hunk."
"Excuse me but are all of you lot female fleas?"
"Ferdinand let us introduce ourselves."
"Fiona; hello Ferdinand. "
"And I'm Fifi."
"I'm Faye."
"Fanny here. "
"And I'm Flora."
"Aha thought so! I sometimes count six but you all fidget so much!"
"...And this is Frederick."
"Hi Ferd."

"Ferdinand. You're our agent we require...! And a decent place to live. 70% of the profits...! Top billing...! And...! And ...! Also.....! And in addition...! We also want... and want... want, want, WANT!"
"Sign here! "
"What you want is blood...!"
"Ferdi, you got it in one."
"Blood suckers."
"A truism!"
"Bleed me dry you will!"
"Mmm. Yummy, we wish," Fanny, Faye, Fiona, Fifi, Flora and Frederick said in unison.

Ferdinand, agent to the famous! (not all it's cracked up to be!)

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Ferdinand losing and gaining friends!

I'm keeping my five friends in a jam jar. None of them have harness' on - cos I trust them!

There's one.
Keep still.
One, two and three.
Stop jumping about.
One and two and three... and there four.
So that's four.
Definitely four could be five, they all look the same!

One, two, three, four and five, six.
What you doing in there?
One, two.....

Ferdinand mathematician

Friday, December 01, 2006

Ferdinand's Fantastic Flea Circus

There is a can of flea spray in the kitchen with my name on it. I am to lose my thousand new friends. But not all...!

No! For I'm in my box but thinking outside of it. 5 of the chosen and talented few are to reach the dizzying heights of fame and fortune

Theirs is to be a life of renown and celebration.

And so, without further ado, may I present to you with my felicitations, the fantastic, the fantabulous, Ferdinand's Fantastic Flea Circus.

Ferdinand: ringmaster and animal trainer