Unbelievable! Ferdinand on the front page of N.M.E

Unbelievable. Ferdinand's picture is on the front page of  N.M.E. Ferdinand the mangy!
"Where is he? Where's he been?" Lil Said.
"Sweden by the look of that link."
I'm not giving him the password for this newspaper. (I confess. I changed it. I am the keeper of the ginger journals.)
So, no, Ferdinand, you will not be able to write a thing (not that you wrote anything of interest anyway) until you get back in your box (which is being eyed by a very handsome black tom cat who we both prefer to you!) So there.
Plus, it gets very cold in Sweden in the winter and your orange overcoat is not what it was.
Double plus, Lil is going to have an operation at the end of the month not that you are interested!

Dolly: editor, nurse, and guardian of the password.

No I have not!

Nope!

Lil, because she had an operation and is recuperating, has been granted the right to pee in the house. I kid you not! Honestly!

"FERDINAND!”

"Streuth!" Can’t a being get some peace? A piece of peace?

“Ferdinand, I’ve a bone to pick with you!” Dolly Said.

"Turkey, chicken perhaps?"

I have closed my emerald eyes. 'Tis Sunday. The sun is shining, warming me, my box and I. Brian started it. The great mower race – brummm, brumm, bloody bruum. Just got my shut eye.— All Sunday, most of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, enough already! I need to sleep. Brian is the winner. His lawn is cut. It has pinstripes. The sod could work in the city and wear a bowler hat.

No one can compete. Apart from his neighbour who’s now going in for the challenge, and just as I was beginning to nod off again. His neighbour once removed began, and so it went on, and on, and on... The neighbour next to the neighbour next to...

I haven't slept.

Mow mow.

I am retiring to my tea chest creation by the canal bank.

Peaceful here. Just the sound of the water lapping against...

What the—

Bloomin barge!

It’s 5 o’-bloomin'-clock in the morning...

Phut phut phut.

Oh, go phut yourself!

Dolly : Ferdinand is in a really bad mood! Tea hee.

His stupid ginger head

Ferdinand has returned. I don’t want to know where he's been... I can see his stupid ginger head beneath me. But he doesn’t know that I know that he has returned!

I’m in my box. It’s a nice sunny day. Dolly is sitting on my glass roof. Right above my head...
It’s very distracting! All those stripes!

He’s typing. I’ll just sit here. He can see me. He knows I’m not bothered. Knows I don’t give a toss! I have no interest in where he has been. Although he has been gone a month... Not that I'm curious.  Nor did I care.

"DOLLY! DOOLLLEEEEEEEE. DOLLEEEEEEE. It’s Ferd, He is back!"

"Lilly ! Shhhhhh!"

"What?"

"Shhhhh."

"Shh? But!"

"Shh"!

"Shh! But... It’s Ferd!"

"Shush."
"He has..."
"Shhh."

"Returned home! Safe and sound.. Where has he been? It’s weeks. What did he say?"

"Lil. Be cool!"

"Be what?"

"Cool!"

"Cool? I am cool. The radiator’s not on and it’s none too warm. In fact I have goose bumps."

"Lil?"

"Yes, Dolly?"

"Never mind..."

I’d rather not live in a tea chest.

"Ferdinand?"
"Yes Lil."
"Ferd!"
"Yes Lil."

"Don’t mean to appear ungrateful or any thing! But I’d rather not live in a tea chest. I know you’ve been to a lot of trouble, but I’d rather lay on a radiator. This radiator if you don’t mind..."

"But Lil..."

"Ferd, I know  you’ve worked very hard. I’m not sure I could cope with the damp. I have a bit of Arthur Itus. Made him walk with a limp too and he was famous."
"Who?"
"Arthur! It's shocking the dull ache you get in your bones."
"Irish?"
"Did you know him?"
"No."
"Came from Blarney..."
"Lil. You may not a have a choice! You may have to..."

The witch makes smells!

I have been looking through the archives. Family documents! Surprising what turns up, or not, as the case may be. But this old movie, from the silent era, directed by my great, great, great, X great uncle is a great discovery.
Oh, yes. We, the Felidae's are a famous old theatrical family. Right back to Shakespeare and beyond... May I introduce to you? The silent. The old. The very creepy...
 The witch makes bad smells!

Ferdinand: A cat in control in an out of control world!

Bill and me. Have enough money (from the work we did for the experimental lab) to buy and furnish two tea chests, plus purchase the feline rights of land grab to position said chests.
I have been listening to the news. A recession or depression, or maybe just a big hole is arriving. I know from experience -plus reading the papers and many history books- when such a hole appears we pets tend to get thrown overboard or out.
So contingency plans have been drawn up. I haven't told the girls yet, Nno need to worry them unnecessarily.
Bill and me are in control.
So two tea chests upturned under a laurel tree, by the canal, lined with cushions and duvets are already in position. That's the housing taken care of...
I now need to work out how we are going to feed ourselves...

Ferdinand: A cat in control in an out of control world!

I am Ferdinand cat compass.

Spats the cat turned up late for dinner. Three years late!

Oh, yes. The homing instinct of we felines is astounding. We have magnets in our heads!
Ferdinand. Cat compass.

Things that have to be done before we close our eyes!

Just before I turn in:

1/Tuck Lil in.
2/Make Doll a Libby's.

(Phew the things that have to be done before we close our eyes!)

Anyway. Quite forgotten where I was...

Aha!
Remembered.
I have renewed the Ferdi Review.

Oh, yes.
Now if I could only find the link.

It is late...

I've been up up all day...

Where is it?
Exhausted myself!
Laying on a radiator isn't easy. Not when you're stressed.
No!
No good - can't find the link.
I'll have to publish this later.

Dolly, tell Ferdi

"Dolly, tell Ferdi. Injuns!"
"Injuns?"

"Yes, Doll. A Mohican came through here just now."
"That was Ferdinand with the Mohican."
"Ferdi has an injun friend?"

"Not injuns. Native Americans."
"That why Billy is bald? Scalped by inju... Native Americans?"
"No! That was Ferdinand."
"Ferdinand scalped Bill?"

"FERDINAND."
"Did you bellow, oh striped one? Hello Lil"
"How."
"How what Lil?"
"How."
"How d‘ya do Lil?""Very well. I’m deaf, with failing eyesight, on tablets twice a day, and lost a lot of weight, apart from that I’m very good."


Dolly: Oh never mind!

Mewsings of the poet laurecat

Martin chucked me out of the chair, called it his!

But this undaunted ginger cat -with the very groovy hair style- was amused. And inspired by my muse I wrote...

It’s not his chair
‘cos I am here
And he is over there

If he were here
And I were there
Then it would be his chair!

Get out my chair
You mangy cat
Now I am over there

If he were here
And I were there
It would not be his chair.

Ferdinand: Mewsings of the poet laurecat .
Or, I'm a poet and I know it! Tee Hee, Amusing mewsings! Alright. I should stay off the catnip.

The mad clipper murderer!

Dolly is wielding clippers. She is hunting my barnet! The mad clipper murderer!
Fortunately the Bzz Bzz sound warns of her approach...
Billy quite liked his new hairdo until it rained. The water trickled down the back of his neck and got right under his fur coat.

Bzz Bzz

Did I hear something?

So we found a bathing cap which was fantastic. It was bright yellow with goldfish impressed all over it.

Bzz Bzz

Which kept his head dry. Only thing was he couldn't hear a thing. So we cut holes in it for his ears to stick out but they allowed the wet in and the droplets trickled under his fur coat...!

Bzz Bzz
I'm sure that's buzzing!

Shuzzz shuzzzz.
"AAAAAArgh."
Shuzzz shuzzzz.
"AAAAAArgh."


"Oh NO.

A mirror.

I need a mirror!

Oh.

Oh, well, not bad.

Not bad at all.

Could be good."

Ferdinand punk.

Ferdinand Mohican Indian.

Oh, yes. Well cool....

Ferdinand: hip or what?!

A ginger beehive

"Dolly!"
"Yes Lil."
"Have you seen Ferdi?"
"Yes Lil, he just came through here..."
"Only there's another furry being trespassing! And I thought he'd need to know..."
"That Lil, was Ferdinand."
"He had a bouffant..."
"That was Ferdinand."
"A ginger beehive thing on his head."
"LIL. That was Ferdinand!"

"Really? My eyes are getting worse. I need glasses."

Dolly: The lunatics have taken over the asylum!

Ferdinand's freaky follicles

"How much did you get paid for that catastrophe on your head."
"Fifty quid. Well, twenty five quid. 'Cos I had to share it with Bill.Twenty five pounds for me and twe..."
"Yes, Ferdinand. I think I can work out that Bill got twenty-five quid."
"Twenty pounds!"
"And why did Billy receive less dosh than you, freaky Follicles?"
"Because we had to pay a fiver to a Roland."
"And what was going on with the rodent? Bald?"
"No."
"Hirsute?"
"No. Nothing at all."
"Oh right. Good."

"Just a bit bigger..."
"Oh right...How much bigger?"
"Well I don't know how much bigger 'cos I'm no good at working out percentage increases. Never have been very good at sums. Arithmetic. Maths. More a humanities sort of a feline.
"Ferdinand! How big was the rat?"
"Um! Er... 'bout the size of a small...
...cow
... wearing a lab coat..."

Billy the bald-headed barge cat.

"You should see Billy the barge cat!"
"I'm afraid to ask but, why?"
"He got paid for hair removal! Want to see a picture?"
"No."


"Which Doll? Which do you prefer? Me with my crowning glory or Billy with the pink patch?"
"Neither. And I think you should give Bill your barnet to cover that bald spot!"
"I can't. It's rooted to my head, plus he would silly with a ginger toupee."
"All toupees are ginger!"
"Well! Mm true, very true..."

I got paid by the animal testing laboratory

"Ferdinand! What is that on your head?"
"Ah, you noticed?"
"Noticed! Noticed? Are you completely bonkers? How could that fluorescent-orange wig be overlooked?"
"Wig. Wig. This, oh striped one, is not a wig. Here tug it. Go on tug it. Give it a good hard yank. Ouch not that bloomin' hard!"
"What've you got that stuck on with? Superglue?"
"No. This is my very own hair."
"Oh, yeah, right. Anyway, it looks stupid!"

Dolly has no finesse. No style.
This new hairdo. I got paid for this. Yes, that's right. I did not pay for this hair-do! I got Paid! Good eh?

At the animal testing laboratory...

Dolly: Sometimes it's not just Big Lil who gives me cause for concern.

"AAAAAAAAAAAArhg!!"

"Ferdinand?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAArhg!!"

What’s up with her?

Some beings have no catiquette!

Blimey! Every bloomin' Easter that hat makes an appearance. As soon as he removes it from his carrot head I'm going to bury it in the compost heap!

Ferdinand is behaving oddly. So what's new you ask? Well more oddly than his usual peculiar self.
He has not appeared without said bonnet. And when I snuck up on him when he was sending out the ZZZZs from his box, he hid his face underneath the blanket!

Something decidedly fishy is going on!

But I, Dolly super reporter, will get to the bottom of the intrigue. Talking of bottoms, when Susan is at the keyboard I jump up on the desk to keep her company and show her my very pretty derrière! But she twists me round! "Wrong end." she says, honestly she has no catiquette.

Ferdinand ginger cat in his Easter bonnet

Me, in my Easter Hat.

Cool, Eh?

Oh, yes. I am a cat of style and sophistication.

One cool cat!

Happy Easter

Jumped right out of my box!

Dolly missed me while I was away! She was so excited to see me she woke me up in the very early hours of the morning...
Made me jump right out of my box shouting my name at the top of her vocal chords in pure joy and excitement at my return.
Bless her.

Is this the ugliest cat contest?

The black birds have built a nest in the honeysuckle bush. This morning a puff of black feathers blew across the lawn. The female bird sat on her nest and called...

I confess it wasn’t me that did that deed.

But I know who did! We have an interloper. No sooner was my back turned than another tomcat is muscling in. And no uglier cat could be imagined. I shall get a photograph of him and start a blog entitled: Is the the ugliest cat contest? He is mustard coloured with white bits, grey bits and a black blob on his hooter that looks like a jigsaw-puzzle piece. Lil chased him down to the bottom of the garden (Honestly her courting skills leave a lot to be desired. Mind you, she is only partially sighted. Probably imagines he’s a bit of hunk.)
Plus, the door to my conservatory was left open, and blow me, an old-mangy tom (a complete stranger) strolls in and without a bye or leave tucks into my dinner and buggers off!

This place is turning into an animal hostel!

Ferdi has jumped out of his fur! Fallen out of his box!

Ferdinand is back in his box!

He slunk in, in the early hours.

But he has been back before! A couple of weeks ago...

But buggered off again when he noticed that the boiler was busted.
It would take a "couple of weeks before it could be fixed," the plumber said, sucking the words in over his teeth. And we just had to have the coldest snap of the winter -7 degrees c. Lasted for a whole seven days. Perma frost.

Martin borrowed the brass for the boiler from his father.

I'm going to shout in his lug-hole. Not Martin's lug-hole. Ferdinand's lug-hole.

ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ

Leaving us to freeze our paws off. Where's the solidarity?

ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ

He looks cosy. All snug as a bug...

ZZZ ZZZ

FERDINAND!!!! Crash, bang, wollop.

Oh dear! Ferdi has jumped out of his fur! Fallen out of his box!

Shame!

Ferdinand: a night on the tiles

The cat and the crow - a love story for mother's day

Dear Dolly and Lilly

Will be returning in a weeks time. Sorry about the fish! Had to have bait to bribe Billy the barge cat for a lift to Liverpool.


seee you soon wish you were here!

Lot of Love

Ferdinand

X
P.S Anyway found this and thought you'd both enjoy it.

Don’t miss me too much.

Nothing going on here... I’m bored. Lil’s asleep on the back of the sofa and Ferdinand’s away. Ferdinand has been away for weeks. I was going to put missing for weeks but I’m not missing that ginger fur ball...

The trouble with being highly intelligent is making the assumption that other beings are just as complex!

I have been trying to hack into this computer! (Ferdinand, the cad, changed the password!) Thinking laterally. Putting in different passwords and word combinations, like carrot head. Exploiting the power of the thesaurus –Ferdinand ginger cat = mangy. Today I solved the password hack -FERDINAND. Unbelievable! The stupid ginger twit.

On the desktop Ferdinand has written: Back in Feb. Off up north. Liverpool vs Havant and Waterlooville. Don’t miss me too much. Look after Lil.

Plonker. He comes from Pompey not Havant -which is over the hill. (bit like Ferdinand). Look after Lil! Ok, I’ve looked at Lil -back of sofa, snoring. Don’t miss me -I don’t.

Dolly: Hacking made easy.

"Dolly, where are the fish?"

"Dolly, where are the fish?"

We cats shall have very full bellies

We are going to prosper this year.
Oh, yes.
It is the Chinese year of the rat.
Which means we cats shall have very full bellies.

Happy New Year.

From: We three cats of Wil-it-shire are!