Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Installing new software. Ferdinand computer buff.

I decided to install some new software. Accepted all the bits and bobs (on pain of death etc) and then a drop down box opened: English or international English?
Well hello!
English is English.
I know; I'm English.
Anything other than English English is international English. So if you spell tyre as tire that's international; colour as color: international; programme as program: then you are using international English.
It ain't English English.
So there...!

I think English should have been patented, and a license granted for internationals who want to use it and every English English speaker could and should have been issued shares in English English PLC.

So when you place the verb at the end of the sentence you ain't no English English speaker being. This transpostion of the verb has something to do with English English humans driving on the left side of the road -every English English human is a right brainer. Or; it's just so English English speakers can laugh at internationals who crash on our roads and we can say; "look at that bloody foreign driver!" Hence, the invention of the roundabout cunningly designed to confuse all but the right brainers.

I digress, back to English English.

English has just celebrated its millionth word. Which is a huge crossword and a great way of idling away the time. The French have 100,000 words, which means they are not so idle and have more time to drink wine and barricade roads.

Examples of the beauty of the Anglo Saxon English English.


It's the heat. 'Normal' Ferdi will be resumed when the heat wave waivers. Signed Dolly: by way of excusing Ferdinand's cantankerous outpourings.

"Since when did you learn to type?"
"Since you plonked your backside on my table."
"Keep your paws off my keyboard!"
"Keep your bottom off my table."


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