The polar bears are marooned and there are no more fish in the sea!

The icebergs are melting. Deserts are expanding and there are no more fish in the sea. Human beings are polluting the earth. And the biggest most handsome ginger cat (and (I’m big enough to admit it ) the noble tiger is going to do a dodo.

I think there are too many human beings on the planet. If one human being flew round the world a trillion times, left the telly on and always used tesco carrier bags ...

"Ferd."
"Streuth! What can I do for you oh striped one."
"I hope you're not writing anything controversial."
"Um!"
"Only you're banging the keys."
"I..."
"A sure sign you have a bee in you're bonnet"
"Well it did have a lot of flowers on."
"What?"
"My bonnet, me Easter bonnet with all the flowers on it!"

"Ferd. You've upset the Israelis alienated the Muslim beings, and changed every foreign speaker being's use of the English language, nobody Ferd, speaks or writes like you."
"I know I'm unique."
"It wasn't meant as a compliment."
"Well I was..."
"Anyway I'm the editor and we don't do controversy. A gossip column. A how to decorate your house..."

"I'm the proprietor and I write..."
"What are you writing ?"
"Nothing! Anyway there are three beings on this paper, Lil..."
"Lil?!"
"Yep. Lil the sleeping partner. We'll ask her opinion, she can have the casting vote."
"Lil's deaf."
"So!"


"LIL."
"LIL."

"What, what?"
"Lil do you believe my writing should be uncensored?"
"Yes Ferd."
"And do you further agree the only form of censorship is self censorship and I should be permitted to sometimes write about controversial subjects?"
"Yes to both Ferd."
"Ok Lil. Thank you Lil."
"There you go Doll, Lil has cast her vote and this as a democratic household...,
"Humph, still think fashion would gain more readership and be more interesting."

"Now were was I? The polar bears are marooned..."


Ferdinand: Environmentalist.