Ferdinand: never a cross word!

"Hey we’re back again. And the funny black mark is gone!"
"Knew I’d help."
"Took me hours after you hit that button."
"Looks good though."
"Yes even if I say so myself it does."

"Ferd?"
"Yes oh striped one."
"Ok if I finish my article now?"
""Ok."
"Ferd, I think we should have a crossword."
"Ok, only a strumpet wears pyjamas in the afternoon!"
"No, a crossword."
"Slattern!"

"Ferd, a crossword, where you put words in boxes, all proper papers have them."
"We’re a proper paper."
"Then where’s our crossword?"

Ferdinand: never a cross word.

Dolly helping Ferdinand with HTML coding!

"Ferd are you going to be long?"
"Don't know."
"Only I want to finish my article: the day we went to Electra's house."
"We didn't"
"We did."
"We didn't you followed me! Commentating."
"Well anyway are you?"
"What?"
"Going to be long on the computer?"
"Don't know."
"What you doing?"
"I'm doing html coding; trying to get rid of that funny black spot by my portrait."
"That's called your nose."
"Not that, that."
"Mmm see what you mean."



What if you press....?"

Dolly is not wearing pyjamas.

Oooh, ooh ooh. We're back on. Back on the world wide web.

Hello.

And, And I have an Ebay account.
Well it's not mine exactly but it is on this computer and sometimes a human being (not mentioning any names) forgets to log out.

So I've made an inventory, taken stock of my worldly goods!

There's my:
Photograph of Richard Madeley.
Silver frame.
Pink blanket (comes with ginger hair).
A cardboard box with a picture of a strawberry on the side.
And a bacon rind with my teeth marks.

So number one will be listed under Art, Photographs, Contemporary.
2/ Antiques, Silver, Solid Silver, Frames
3/ Home and Garden, Bedding
4/ Umm a bit more difficult. Other perhaps? No I know! Art. It's got that picture of a strawberry on the side -a print- and it's an old box so... Art, Prints, Antique Prints, Botanical/Plants. Fantastic.
5/ This is even more difficult. Collectible? Food and Drink, Other? Well I'm not sure. My teeth marks...

"Ferdinand."
"My..."
"Ferd."
"My teeth..."
"Ferdinand."
"What?"
"Ferd."
"What?"
"Ferd, Ferd."
"What, what?"

"It's the beeb."
"What is?"
"The BBC."
"What is the BBC?"
"Ferdinand don't you read the comments section."
"Not since an American called me an...!"
"Well we're going to be interviewed."
"What?"
"Interviewed, beeb, going to be. So stop writing about chewed bacon rinds and write something sensible."

"I am very handsome."
"And factual."
"With ginger hair."
"Punchy."
"Punch you?"
"Not me, you."
"I won’t hit you, you girl you."
"Hard hitting."
I’m not going to hit you Doll, hard or soft."
"Give me strength."
"That's why Doll, you’re not as strong as me one blow from these paws and..."
"Ferdinand. Write. Write something. Write something factual and surprising."

Dolly is not wearing pyjamas.


Ferdinand's inventory: making every word count.

Ferdinand: Facing Death with Fearless Fortitude

Ferdinand is going at a goodly pace. Stealthily keeping close to forecourt walls, I follow.
Ferdinand is wearing his tail very high; it's like looking at a tea towel holder.
"You following me?"
"You following me Ferdinand asks grumpily?"
"Dolly go away!"
"Ferdinand continuing on his journey hisses, go away."
"Will you stop repeating everything I say?"
"Ferdinand says, will you stop repeating everything I say?"

Facing with fortitude the threefold hazards of big black rubber wheels, the gnashing jaws of the canine lunatic fringe and the water throwing, bunny burning Mrs Bigginbottom, Ferdinand is making his way to Electra’s house (it's the spring, enough said...)

"Will you stop?"
"Ferdinand says, will you stop."
"Stop it."
"Ferdinand shouts, stop it."
"Stop ."
"Get out of the road you mangy ginger moggy," a male human bellows from his Ford Orion and salutes us with two fingers.

Wow! Ferdinand nearly got squished by one of the aforementioned big rubber wheels. Fortunately your roving reporter Dolly was on the pavement; Ferdinand who is not looking or concentrating on the job in hand was otherwise engaged shouting stop it at me.

Safely across the road Ferdinand's tail is held a little lower.
"What's he mean mangy moggy?"
"Ferdinand asks: what's he mean mangy moggy?"
"Will you stop repeating everything I say?"
"Ferdinand says will you stop repeating everything I say."
"Stop it."
"Stop it."

Ferdinand is approaching another road will he make it now? Can he concentrate for more than two seconds?
"Stop repeating everything I say."
"The technical term is running commentary!"
"Well just stop running after me with your commentary!"

He can’t think of anything other than Electra: brains are in his...
...Whooh that was close!
"Dolly you are going to get us both killed."

Dolly: Facing dangers boldly to bring the news. Roving reporter. The Kate Adie of the cat world.

Ferdinand: Facing Death with Fearless Fortitude.
"It's my postscript ."
Dolly: Danger cat.
Ferdinand: Handsome ginger cat (not a mangy moggy.)
Dolly: Jounalist.
Ferdinand: It's my blog!
"Ginger .... "
"Ouch"
"Get off."
"dscxf tbg Keyboard cmfrd hhh."
"zx gfv grt nbhjkjhkcxncx."!

Big Lil sleeping on the job.

"If I'm the editor and you're the proprietor!"

"And all round good-looking, good guy."
"What's Lil?"


"A sleeping partner!"



Ferdinand: newspaper magnate.

Ferdinand's relationship with Richard Madeley

Ferdinand is not good looking he's just a big head, a big ginger head. His relationship with Richard Madeley is a can of pilchards.I have never been introduced to Richard Madeley, makes me wonder if Ferdinand has something to hide...

It's Richard this and Richard that. He's a name dropper, and Richard Madeley has never invited him on the Richard and Judy show. He does have his photograph though -in the silver antique frame , but that could be a publicity photo.

Ferdinand says I can write my gossip column -ooh THANKS- but his friendship with Richard is off the agenda, perhaps he doesn't want my enquiring mind to enquire. I might turn up something, something fishy about his friendship.

So cods heads to you Ferdinand I am going to publish.

Written by Dolly: Editor.

Censored by Ferdinand: The bigot!

"I'm nit a bigot."

"You're right you are a nit."

"I'm not a bigot."

"Are."
"Not."
"Are, are, are."
"NOT."

"Nit."

I knew the first thing Dolly would gossip about in her column was Richard Madeley.

Ferdinand: telepathically talented.

Ferdinand and the problems of censorship.

Hmm.

I've decided that our Doll can write her gossip column, which is a big decision 'cos it means I'll have to act as censor - and I don't believe in censorship. A contradiction, I know. Why is everything so difficult?

It is so much easier, I reckon to view the world in black and white. I have explained that Richard Madeley and my good ginger self is out of bounds: what passes between him and me is sacrosanct, - but his skin has taken on a distinctive orange tone...

Oh, yes I am influential.
Where I go others can only follow.

Anyway I am flattered that Richard is turning orange, -a subliminal acknowledgment of my influence. BUT I wonder what Dolly -unlike me who rubs shoulders with the rich and the famous -will write about...?

Ferdinand : in the predicament of acting censor.