I wonder who’s comforting who in that embrace?

I had my suit ready. My Elvis suit. It was a party to celebrate Elvis’ life. A party only for cool cats. I looked fantastic, practiced my jive and the swivel hips motion. But I didn’t go.

Lil went into the garden accompanied by me and then Dolly this afternoon and Lil’s back legs gave way. But Lil she just got up and toddled off as if this was the most normal thing in the world.

The cat basket has been taken down from the attic. It looms in the living room it’s wire cage door hanging open. There is a towel in the bottom of it and a cushion. Dolly has been trying to destroy it. Clawing at the woven wicker and biting the broken bits. I told her it wouldn’t do any good. There’s another basket in the loft. And if that was to be ruined too there’s always a cardboard cat box...

Friday evening. Coronation Street is being watched. Big Lil is snuggled into Susan’s side on the sofa. Dolly is in the garden with the catnip. I can see all this from my vantage point in the conservatory. Susan is crying and Dolly’s as high as a kite but chews on. I feel angry. I’m impotent. I can’t do anything to make this better...

Big Lil is losing weight, a bag of bones. Susan has noticed. I’ve been reading her diary. She’s frightened of taking Lil to the vet she scribbles -doesn’t want to know the answer. Doesn’t want the diagnosis and then the prognosis.

Big Lil leans closer to Susan and pats her arm with her paw. I wonder who’s comforting who in that embrace?

Ferdinand: I don’t cry.

Ferdinand: Lying to a good friend.

“Hello Lil, how you bin?”
“Lil, how’ve you been?”
“Ferd? is that you Ferd?”
“Lil it is I. None other than the handsome ginger fur ball.”
“Ferd if that’s you would you come closer?”
“Oh yes! I knew you couldn’t resist my gingery essence forever. Quick cuddle on the back of the sofa? More than happy to oblige.”
“Lil have you been dieting?”
“The trouble I’ve had... Cat napped! Falsely arrested, imprisoned and convicted. My sentence capital. My crime: mangy ginger tomcat. I faced with valour the blue syringe. But fate played her hand and sinking my teeth into it I skidaddled out of that cell faster than a cheetah on steroids –bloomin’ blue shirted jobs worth. God it’s nice to be home.”

“Ferd it is you?”
“Lil why you whispering?”

“Lil why are you whispering?”
“Ferd. You know I went deaf?”
“Yes me old girl.”
“Ferd?”
“Yes Lil.”
“Ferd I’m losing my sight.”




“Ferd?”
“I’m here Lil.”
“Ferd I’m frightened. I know Susan loves me but she won’t want me blind and deaf!?”

“Ferd?”

“Lil no, you’ll be ok.”
“What?”
“Lil, ok we have a problem.”
“Ferd?”
“I’m here Lil, touch my paw. Let me think...”


“Ok so three out of five ain’t bad!”
“What?”
You have five senses. You can feel, smell and you can taste.
So we...”
“Yes Ferd?”
“Just let me think....”

“Ok you can still hear a bit?”
“I said you can still hear some things?”
“Yes Ferd.”
“Right here’s what we do.”
“If you need to go out, sing.”
“Sing what?”
“I don’t know, sing anything.”
“How’s it go?”
“Ok sing raindrops, RE: FALLING ON MY HEAD.”
“Not anything? Well that’s good really ‘cos I don’t know the words.”
“Ok, that’s the hygiene taken care of. If you want to eat...”

“Ok what I’ll do is wave food under your nose then you can follow me to the kitchen.”
“How?”
“I’ll put the tip of my tail near your nose and you follow it when I wave it to the left it means you have to jump down, to the right jump up.”
“Ferd, if Susan find’s out she’ll kill me.”
“She’s not going to find out.”
“Ferd you’re not always here.”
“Dolly will help.”
“Dolly!”
“Dolly is under that snobby stripey exterior a sensitive caring individual."
"Lil?”
“Yes Ferd?”
“Trust me.”
“I do. Ferd.”
“We’ll get this sorted. You have my word.”


Ferdinand: Lying to a good friend.

But hey ho!

But hey ho!

There is no power earth that would change or challenge choice.

Susan says if that is what Martin wants then that is what he wants!

I will not counter it.

Ferdinand's wet dream.

Hello. What’s this? Three pork chops are dancing a chorus line against a full moon sky. The more they dance the more they sweat. Perspiration drips sizzling aromatic drops to the ground.
Fifi appears juggling and dancing. She sprouts angel wings flies up, and joins the troop of performing pork.

I’m ravenous. My mother’s nipple is swollen and raw.
“Teeth Ferdinand, stop biting!” She grips me by the scruff her tongue warm and wet on the back of my neck.

Huge bare hands are tugging my tail. My mother is shouting, my brother is crying.

I’m yanked out and away.

“Ah e’s so sweet!”
“Savva a look, bloomin’ carrot with legs.”

“My mother is calling me.”
“Mum.” I cry.

I can hear my mother but her calls are fainter now.
“Mum.”
I’m annoyed and scared why doesn’t she come? Why doesn’t she carry me home held gently and firmly in her secure mouth?
She’s doesn’t answer me.
Why won’t she answer me?
“Muuuuuuuuuuuuuum.”

“Ouch that hurt that’s my ear you’re pulling. MUUUUUM.”

“You can’t take ‘im home.”
“I can.”
“Well if you do dad’ll drown ‘im.”
“What?”
“E’ll drown him in a bucket.”
“I’ll ‘ide ‘im.”

“MMMMUUUUUMM.”
“With the racket ‘e makes?”

“Look leave him in there; that telephone box. “
“MMMMUUUUUMM, MMMMUUUUUMM, MMMMUUUUUMM.”
“Ferdinand.”
“Ferdinand.”
“Ferdinand wake up. Ferdinand stop crying it wasn’t that bad was it? ...just a little blue pipette. How you can tell when you’re asleep.... honestly! Here’s a little pork scrap might cheer you up a bit. Honestly anybody would think it was the end of the world!”

Ferdinand: free from fleas

Ferdinand sleeping on the job.

Susan has plonked a carrier bag in the hall. Aha. Pork chops. Yuk green leaves. Carton of apple juice. Fermented grape juice. Bread. Hello what's this? Frontline spot on. Frontline seems familiar. What's it say? Kills fleas and ticks on contact. I remember. That stuff makes my skin crawl. Hours of itching and twitching.

I think I shall make a dignified retreat. Go missing for a couple of days. I wonder when she intends dropping that stuff on us? I'm thinking it would be quite nice to have the pork chops first. I'll sit in my box and watch as soon as she reaches for that box I'll high tail it. Hope she cooks the chops first before the wielding of the blue pipette. I'm not thinking just of myself naturally, but what will happen to Fifi my one remaining flea (the others ran away -ungrateful wretches) just one touch from me after being dosed would kill her. She can juggle whilst walking the tightrope, amazing. Just so talented.

Preparations have to be made for my absence. Lock the computer and change the password. Let the world of tomcats know that this box is not vacant. I'll give a quick squirt on the mock orange. Back up, set in motion the tail vibration . Ok move on up the garden path. That's the washing pole done, the end of the garden path rock, and just one final spurt the lilac tree. That's better. Eau de naturelle tomcat courtesy of Ferdinand. I should bottle it - Ferdinand fragrances.

Ok I'm in my box the kitchen is empty. Still empty. I can see Lil on the back of the sofa. She's asleep. Kitchen still empty. Yawn. Empty. Empty. Ahyaaaaaawwn. Empty. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn. It's quite warm. Yaaaaaaaaaawnnn. I'll just close my eyes for a moment. ZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Ferdinand: Ever alert to danger.

The frogsite saga, episode 3. I shot the frog!

"Where?"
"There."
"Where there?"
"There, that triangular shape by the rock."
"Where?"
"The frog with a big arrow on his head."
"You've shot the frog with an arrow?!"
"No I ..."
"SUSAN, SUSAN, Ferdinand has killed the frog. Suuuuuuuuuusan."

Ferdinand: I shot the frog!

The frogsite saga.

Ok, so that wasn’t the real frog. That was a plastic frog. I couldn’t get a picture of the frog in the birdbath, I click he ducks, I snap he dives. Until now...