In our garden we have a henge – A Lilly henge.

I was looking beneath the chest of drawers; this is the place Lil sleeps while she’s convalescing. There’s an ancient Chinese bowl under there wrapped in bubble wrap – a perfect, curled up asleep, cat- size dish. It used to be my place, but I gave it to Lil – on a temporary basis, until she’s better, and providing she doesn’t throw up.
Susan said, “She’s not there Dolly.”
Well I can see she’s not here! We live in Wiltshire, home of the henge -Stonehenge. In our garden we too have a henge – a Lilly henge.

I poked her in the eye with my paw.

I woke Susan at 2 o’clock and said, “Lil’s not back yet."
“Shh, Doll. It’s OK.”
At 3.00 am, I poked her in the eye with my paw just to let her know that it was not OK, and I was going out...
It was a lovely night. Clear and dry. Stars shimmered on an ink blue sky – no breeze to ruffle my fur. I hate to say this. I always thought it would be great to be THE cat of the house.
But...

She’s been out all night and she wouldn’t like that.

Last night I reminded Susan that Lil was outside. She wouldn’t like that. I reminded her at 3.o' clock and again at 3.30. Susan got herself a drink.
Good she’s up. “Now go and get Lil.” She didn’t.
She’s dosing off again. There is a glimmer of light in the sky, must be about 4.00 am. I tap Susan on the forehead. She rubs my head. “Lil! Outside! Go!”
 Susan told me to, “Shh.”
I purr in her ear. Snuggle. At 4.30 Susan puts on the news. I’m on her head, a furry nightcap. Every half hour, throughout the night, Susan has ignored me. At 7.00 am, I go out. I can smell Lil. Susan scattered the contents of her litter tray on the plant borders. I can smell Lil. The paving stone are damp and it’s breezy. Lil doesn’t like the wind in her coat and she doesn’t do damp. I know Lil. She’s been out all night and she wouldn’t like that.

This was Lil

Lil two hours before she went to the vet. I'll remove this film later and just keep the pic of her when she was looking her best.
But just now I need to see the reason why she couldn't stay. And if I get all maudlin and want Lilly back, then this is the Lilly that would be here, and this is the Lilly that was too sick to stay.

This is Lil

This is a picture of Lil. A photo of Lil when she was Big Lil. An image of Lil when she could hear.
A picture of Lil when she was just a bit overweight and her belly would wobble (gently sway) when she ran. This is her favourite place, above the radiator, atop the sofa, with her eyes studying the kitchen for stray chicken legs.


Her second favourite place (before she preferred not to venture outside) was her stone bench by the forsythia bush, the stone warmed from the sun's rays and the light sparkling on her coat...

That’s a long time. A lifetime...

Lil did come home. But she is so very quiet and very still... She’s asleep in a basket wrapped in a white towel. Normally Lil snores. Lil isn’t making much noise. In fact, she isn’t making any noise. That’s not like her, and I’ve known her for a decade – a decade and a bit more. That’s a long time.
A lifetime...

The cat disappeared gradually until nothing was left but its grin

The cat disappeared gradually until nothing was left but its grin. Lewis Carroll.
Lil had her thyroid gland removed on February 5th. We all had our digits crossed for her... She developed an ulcer on her right eye two days after her operation. So she can’t see properly and she went deaf years ago. And just when I thought Lil had 'disappeared gradually until nothing was left but her grin' she had a gum infection, and they removed her teeth.
Yesterday her unsteadiness on her legs grew worse... Today, this morning, Susan was making coffee in the kitchen, Lil followed her, dragging herself along with her front legs – her back legs a useless twisted weight.
On Wednesday Susan made an appointment with the vet. Now it’s Friday 11.20 am. Unlike Lewis Carroll's grinning cat, she doesn’t believe Lil will reappear, after all she has no teeth – nothing to see. Lil’s appointment is at 2.20.