Lil, because she had an operation and is recuperating, has been granted the right to pee in the house. I kid you not! Honestly!

"FERDINAND!”

"Streuth!" Can’t a being get some peace? A piece of peace?

“Ferdinand, I’ve a bone to pick with you!” Dolly Said.

"Turkey, chicken perhaps?"

I have closed my emerald eyes. 'Tis Sunday. The sun is shining, warming me, my box and I. Brian started it. The great mower race – brummm, brumm, bloody bruum. Just got my shut eye.— All Sunday, most of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, enough already! I need to sleep. Brian is the winner. His lawn is cut. It has pinstripes. The sod could work in the city and wear a bowler hat.

No one can compete. Apart from his neighbour who’s now going in for the challenge, and just as I was beginning to nod off again. His neighbour once removed began, and so it went on, and on, and on... The neighbour next to the neighbour next to...

I haven't slept.

Mow mow.

I am retiring to my tea chest creation by the canal bank.

Peaceful here. Just the sound of the water lapping against...

What the—

Bloomin barge!

It’s 5 o’-bloomin'-clock in the morning...

Phut phut phut.

Oh, go phut yourself!

Dolly : Ferdinand is in a really bad mood! Tea hee.

His stupid ginger head

Ferdinand has returned. I don’t want to know where he's been... I can see his stupid ginger head beneath me. But he doesn’t know that I know that he has returned!

I’m in my box. It’s a nice sunny day. Dolly is sitting on my glass roof. Right above my head...
It’s very distracting! All those stripes!

He’s typing. I’ll just sit here. He can see me. He knows I’m not bothered. Knows I don’t give a toss! I have no interest in where he has been. Although he has been gone a month... Not that I'm curious.  Nor did I care.

"DOLLY! DOOLLLEEEEEEEE. DOLLEEEEEEE. It’s Ferd, He is back!"

"Lilly ! Shhhhhh!"

"What?"

"Shhhhh."

"Shh? But!"

"Shh"!

"Shh! But... It’s Ferd!"

"Shush."
"He has..."
"Shhh."

"Returned home! Safe and sound.. Where has he been? It’s weeks. What did he say?"

"Lil. Be cool!"

"Be what?"

"Cool!"

"Cool? I am cool. The radiator’s not on and it’s none too warm. In fact I have goose bumps."

"Lil?"

"Yes, Dolly?"

"Never mind..."