the ginger cat diaries

A ginger beehive

"Dolly!"
"Yes Lil."
"Have you seen Ferdi?"
"Yes Lil, he just came through here..."
"Only there's another furry being trespassing! And I thought he'd need to know..."

"That Lil was Ferdinand."
"He had a bouffant...
"That was Ferdinand."
A ginger beehive..."
"LIL that was Ferdinand!"

"Really...

my eyes are getting worse!... I need glasses..."

Dolly: The lunatics have taken over the asylum!

Ferdinand's freaky follicles

"How much did you get paid for that catastrophe on your head."
"Fifty quid. Well, twenty five quid. 'Cos I had to share it with Bill.Twenty five pounds for me and twe..."
"Yes Ferdinand I think I can work out that Bill got twenty five quid."
"Twenty pounds!"
"And why did Billy have less dosh, Freaky Follicles?"
"Because we had to pay a fiver to a Roland."
"And what was going on with the rodent? Bald?"
"No."
"Hirsute?"
"No. Nothing at all."
"Oh right. Good."

"Just a bit bigger..."
"Oh right...

How much bigger?"
"Well I don't know how much bigger 'cos I'm no good at working out percentage increases. Never haver been very good at sums. Arithmetic. Maths. More a humanities...
"Ferdinand! How big was the rat?"
"Um! Er... 'bout the size of a small...

...cow.

And wearing a lab coat..."

Labels: freaky follicles

Billy the bald headed barge cat.

"You should see Billy the barge cat!"
"I'm afraid to ask but, why?"
"He got paid for hair removal! Want to see a picture?"
"No."

"Which Doll? Which do you prefer? Me with my crowning glory or Billy with the pink patch?"
"Neither. And I think you should give Bill your barnet to cover that bald spot!"
"I can't it's growing out my head plus he would silly with a ginger toupee."
"All toupees are ginger!"
"Well mm true, very true..."

I got paid by the animal testing laboratory

"Ferdinand! What is that on your head? "
"Ah you noticed?"
"Noticed. Noticed? Are you completely bonkers? How could that fluorescent orange wig be overlooked?"
"Wig. Wig. This oh striped one is not a wig. Here tug it. Go on tug it. A good hard yank. Ouch not that bloomin' hard!"
"What've you got that stuck on with? Superglue."
"No this is my very own hair."
"Oh yeah right. Anyway it looks stupid!"

Dolly has no finesse. No style.
This new hairdo. I got paid for this. Yes that's right I did not pay for this hair-do! I got Paid! Good eh?

At the animal testing laboratory...

Dolly: Sometimes it's not just Big Lil that gives me cause for concern.

Labels: animal testing, cat grows hair, cure for baldness, hair regrowth, wig

Preserve democracy do away with elections!

I should be a government minister. What you need to do is have ideas. I have ideas.

But my fundamental, most money savings idea is:

Do away with elections!
First it must be understood that only 8000 people in the south east of England determine the next government. So all the money that is spent traveling about in open top buses and yelling through loud hailers would be stopped at a stroke. Not to mention the pollution from all that exhaust, the trees felled for ballot papers and campaign leaflets -ok I said I wouldn’t mention it but then I am a politician...

Preserve democracy!
Democracy is my prime concern. So Parliament sends an email to all the 8000 of Tunbridge Wells asking them who they want to form the next government.

Saving the planet!
The carbon footprint is reduced, money is saved, and we beings in Britain get the government we would have had anyway without all that racket. Brilliant eh!

Oh yes a cat of my calibre, saving money, the planet, and democracy in one stroke of my paw. That is what I call an idea.

My next idea: The elections in the states are no good if you are a sexist, ageist, racist...

"Ferdinand?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAArhg!!"

What’s up with her?

Labels: ballot, cats, elections, tunbridge wells, vote, wigs

Some beings have no catiquette!

Blimey! Every bloomin' Easter that hat makes an appearance. As soon as he removes it from his carrot head I'm going to bury it in the compost heap!

Ferdinand is behaving oddly. So what's new you ask? Well more oddly than his usual peculiar self.
He has not appeared without said bonnet. And when I snuck up on him when he was sending out the ZZZZs from his box he hid his face underneath the blanket!

Something fishy is going on!

But I, Dolly super reporter will get to the bottom of the intrigue. Talking of bottoms when Susan is at the keyboard I jump up on the desk to keep her company and show her my very pretty derrière! But she twists me round! "Wrong end." she says, honestly she has no catiquette.

Ferdinand ginger cat in his easter bonnet

Me in my Easter Hat.

Cool Eh?

Oh yes I am a cat of style and sophistication.

One cool cat!

Happy Easter

Jumped right out of my box!

Dolly missed me while I was away! She was so excited to see me she woke me up in the very early hours of the morning...

Made me jump right out of my box shouting my name at the top of her vocal chords in pure joy and excitement at my return.

Bless her.

Is this the ugliest cat contest?

The black birds have built a nest in the honeysuckle bush. This morning a puff of black feathers blew across the lawn. The female bird sat on her nest and called...

I confess it wasn’t me that did that deed.

But I know who did! We have an interloper. No sooner was my back turned than another tomcat is muscling in. And no uglier cat could be imagined. I shall get a photograph of him and start a blog: is this the ugliest cat contest? He is mustard coloured with white bits, grey bits and a black blob on his hooter that looks like a jigsaw puzzle piece. Lil chased him down the bottom of the garden (honestly her courting skills leave a lot to be desired, mind you she is only partially sighted probably imagines he’s a bit of hunk.)

Plus, the door was left open to my conservatory and blow me an old mangy tom (a complete stranger) strolls in and without a bye or leave tucks into my dinner and buggers off!

This place is turning into an animal hostel!

Ferdi has jumped out of his fur! Fallen out of his box!

Ferdinand is back in his box!

He slunk in in the early hours.

But he has been back before! A couple of weeks ago...

But buggered off again when he noticed that the boiler was busted.
It would take a "couple of weeks before it could be fixed" the plumber said sucking the words in over his breath. And we just had to have the coldest snap of the winter -7 degrees c. Lasted for a whole seven days that perma frost.

Martin borrowed the brass for the boiler from his father.

I'm going to shout in his lug hole. Not Martin's lug hole. Ferdinand's lug hole.

ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ

Leaving us to freeze our paws off. Where's the solidarity?

ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ

He looks cosy. All snug as a bug...

ZZZ ZZZ

FERDINAND!

!!! Crash, bang, wollop.

Oh dear! Ferdi has jumped out of his fur! Fallen out of his box!

Shame!

Ferdinand: a night on the tiles

Labels: boiler, box, bug, ferdinand, tiles

Monday, March 31, 2008

A ginger beehive

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Ferdinand's freaky follicles

Friday, March 28, 2008

Billy the bald headed barge cat.

I got paid by the animal testing laboratory

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Preserve democracy do away with elections!

Friday, March 21, 2008

Some beings have no catiquette!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Ferdinand ginger cat in his easter bonnet

Jumped right out of my box!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Is this the ugliest cat contest?

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Ferdi has jumped out of his fur! Fallen out of his box!

ferdinand

Previous Posts

Archives